Poker Player personalities usually come across as reserved, minding their own business quietly in the background. It is when they are at their quietest, however, that their minds are at work – making calculations and picking up cues as to other people’s emotional stress and behavioral tendencies. They do this habitually to determine how best to approach or relate to those in their company. Other characteristics include:

Key traits

  • They exhibit a strong desire to win at everything, including relationships, and are very self-centered in this respect.
  • They don’t mind saying or doing things to cause others unhappiness and can do this without guilt, especially when they sense someone is a threat to them.
  • Their desire to feel superior and powerful is not always obvious, but they are masters at manipulating others to get their own way
  • They are hard to fathom emotionally because they are extremely adept at masking their thoughts and feelings from others. The last thing they want to do is reveal their sense of insecurity and vulnerability, but it also puts them at an advantage when others can’t tell what’s on their mind.

Positives

  • At times you might find you need someone like the poker player personality on your side – their steely determination to succeed can help you win too.
  • Their acute observations and analytical take on situations and people often provide insights others might easily overlook.
  • Although they may appear reticent and have little to offer in terms of action, they are generally very resourceful with their observations and in making plans
  • Close friends of the poker player personality have a high regard for their insights, knowledge, and ideas.
  • They tend to encourage their friends to become fiercely independent in their thinking, and to learn to make up their own minds.

Negatives

  • They take their time observing and learning your weaknesses and strengths, so they can use this against you if they ever feel threatened.
  • It’s not easy working or living with someone you find hard to read emotionally.
  • Their general lack of spontaneity can be off-putting and make them seem phony.
  • Needing to be right at all times can be interpreted as being snobbish or wanting to be superior.
  • It’s hard to get to know this type of person well, making it huge challenge to form close, intimate relationships with them.

How do I deal with one?

If you are one of the few who can form a meaningful relationship with this type of person:

  • Consistently remind them that relationships are not about winning and losing, and that to get something you have to give something of yourself too.
  • Show them that you can lose an argument or game and still be relaxed about it.
  • Let them know if they make you feel hurt through thoughtless or calculated insults or actions. Their tendency to view a conflict as a fascinating idea worth analyzing blinds them to the real emotional effects they have on people.

Am I one?

You know you have tendencies when:

  • You spend a lot of the time thinking about how to outsmart people.
  • People have told you many times to lighten up, let your guard down, and show some feelings.
  • You hate losing, and when to be right all the time.
  • You hold back your feelings and have a hard time letting go because it makes you feel insecure, uncertain and threatened.

How can I stop?

Remind yourself of the following

  • The daily unconscious choice to live up to your persona as the poker player personality is limiting your life, narrowing your choices.
  • Living life the way you do is exhausting and emotionally draining, since it takes lots of energy keeping your social mask in place.
  • Like most people, you will have to come to terms with the fact you are already wholesome and have everything you need to live a fulfilling life; there is no point trying to prove a point.

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